A Message to My Boyhood Self

[Some years ago, author (The Serpent Box) and photographer Vincent Louis Carrella asked me to write a few lines of advice, a word or two of wisdom I might offer to my past self if I could. It was part of a portrait series he was working on, overlaying text from his interview questions with photographs of his subjects. I responded with a brief note… but kept adding to it. Again and again. I’ve never claimed to have a reservoir of life wisdom in my adulthood, but I tried to be as precise and practical as possible in my response and so the whole thing ballooned into the following essay. The original is on a previous laptop, but I did find this abridged version from Vincent’s photograph. I’m posting it here because I need the reminder every now and again. Happy New Year.]

Photo credit: Vincent Louis Carrella

I don't know how long this wormhole will stay open so I'll be fast, and I have to be a bit cryptic so as not to crush any butterflies. The clock is ticking so listen up. I'll start with the easy stuff. Please, eat some vegetables. Stretch regularly and practice mindful breathing.

Cultivate focus. This will take time and effort, but everything else in your life will stem from your mastery of focus. Everything.

Don't worry about being cool. High school will suck but you'll learn not to look back. The best part of your life should never be behind you.

Adults will tell you your idealism will fade as you get older. They'll be wrong. They'll say your intensity will diminish with time and they'll be wrong again. But you will learn how to direct that intensity. You'll turn a furnace into a welding torch and make beautiful things with it.

Don't trust any adult who says, "You remind me of myself when I was your age." They're probably lying and they probably want something from you.

And here's another secret about adults: we're all faking it. We're the flight attendants and you're the passengers, but neither of us can fly the plane. We've been in the air longer, but that doesn't make us any better at it. When lightning hits the engine, the best we can do is keep it together and hope you don't see how terrified we really are.

And quit apologizing so much. Save it for when you've done actual harm.

That voice in your head, the one telling you what you're doing wrong and what's wrong with you? Next time it speaks to you, write down what it says verbatim and ask yourself, "Is this how I speak to the people I love? Is this how they speak to me?" Then burn what you wrote. Check it: that inner voice is not yours. It's the miserable, angry echo of the adults who speak to themselves that way, who speak to you that way and still hold sway over you. For now.

Don't drink unless you can enjoy yourself sober.

Write thank-you letters.

Exercise more. Get outdoors more.

Eat more vegetables and please, for God’s sake, stretch.

Don't fear getting old. Many friends and loved ones, those you know and those you’ve yet to meet, will not be alive by the time you sit down to write this.

No person or thing is out of your league. Not one. Out of your league is a myth created by people who make money convincing everyone in the world that they're unworthy of everyone else.

Midnight oil is a biohazard. Learn how to manage your sleep.

Drink lots of water. Eat vegetables and stretch.

Ditch shame but embrace humility.

Look people in the eye when they speak.

Take a breath before saying anything. Always.

Say 'please' and 'thank you.'

Get out of your comfort zone and stay out.

Vote.

Recycle.

Drink water. Eat vegetables. Stretch.

Save your money. Don't buy what you don't need. And you need far less than you think.

Ditch guilt but embrace accountability.

Always carry a knife, kerchief and something to write with.

But quit taking so many notes. You can document an experience or you can live it, but not at the same time. You'll remember what you need to and if you don't, you were away from the typewriter for too long.

Those who inspire loyalty never ask for it because they don’t need to. Those who ask for loyalty never reciprocate it. Ever.

Making your mark on the world isn't the same as making a difference. The world should be better for your having lived in it.

You're going to get hurt, heart-broken, rejected, and will fall on a number of misfortunes. So make your injuries smaller by making your world bigger.

Get out of your head, expand your world and live your life.

I'll be waiting.